If I just had more time, I wouldn't be so overwhelmed…

If I just had more time, I wouldn't be so overwhelmed.

I used to believe this too.

But more time is not the solution to the overwhelm.

Overwhelm is a habitual behavior that we create for any number of reasons. For me, it was to help me feel safe. I know sounds crazy, but being in a constant state of overwhelm felt normal to me, it felt comfortable, it was what I was used to and so when I had "extra" time to myself I would get agitated, annoyed, and so uncomfortable that I would immediately find something else to fill the void.

This behavior continued for years unchecked and began to have a toll on my health, both physical and mental.

It wasn't until I finally faced the overwhelm that I saw my power to change it.

My questioning begin like this...

Why was I in a constant state of overwhelm?

I had so much to do.

Why did I have so much to do?

Because I was a wife, mom, all the things to all kinds of people.

Why did I have these roles?

Because I chose them.

Right, but did I choose the overwhelm? And all the extra commitments?

Yes.

Okay, but why am I doing all the things?

To be the best.

The best what? Mother? Wife? Person?

There is no award for that anywhere and how would one even measure that?!

So why am I doing all these things that are "killing me"?

For other people, so they'll love me.

And there it was. I was killing myself in hopes of getting more love, the one thing I wasn't actually giving to myself because I was so busy trying to get love from other people.

I never needed more time, I wanted more love and when I started to love myself fully, I broke the habit of overwhelm and felt safe in the "unproductive extra" time.