Always growing…

I am always growing and evolving.

My in-laws are visiting this weekend and while I love when they are here, I always feel anxious and irritable prior to their arrival.

Typically I displace these emotions on my husband which makes for a less than enjoyable week leading up to my in-laws arrival.

This time, I wanted it to be different.

So last night, I told my husband how I was feeling and expressed that it wasn’t his fault and I didn’t need to be fixed. I just wanted to verbalize the feelings so I could process them. I wasn’t sure why I always felt this way, but I knew if I could pinpoint a reason, I could choose again.

Well this morning on my run, I asked for wisdom to see what was really going on.

And what came to me was, in truth, I am acting out of habit (subconsciously).

As a military wife, my husband can be gone for months at a time, while this isn’t true now, I still have patterns around this.

Prior to long deployments, my in-laws would come and visit and I would feel like the precious little time I had with my husband was taken from me. This would cause me to be anxious and irritable, especially when I was trying to get my ducks in a row before he left.

Knowing this pattern of behavior, I asked myself if these thoughts and feelings were serving me.

They’re not.

So I’m choosing again.

I’m choosing to rewrite how I act prior to my in-laws coming. I’m choosing to reprogram this behavior and while it feels a bit messy, I know it’s better for me and my family.