The truth of being a mom…

I never wanted to admit that as a mom there were days when I struggled to love being a mom.

There were days when it was hard to put a smile on my face and keep going.

And I thought if I said any of these things aloud, I would be labeled as a bad mom and someone would try and have my kids taken from me.

I felt awful for even thinking these things. Because I believe I must be a terrible mom to have these kinds of feelings. What was wrong with me??

But it wasn't until I actually looked at these feelings that I saw what was really going on.

It wasn't that I wanted to sell my kids and run away, it was that I was tired of pretending.

I was tired of pretending I had it all together. I was tired of trying to live up to the Pinterest Perfect Mom and pretending to be good at all the things I didn't really care about.

The truth is, I am a great mom, but I had to look at what kind of mom I really wanted to be first.

What was truly important to me at the end of the day?

How did I want my kids to remember me?

I want my kids to remember that I was there and present with them and saw the goal or the 3-point shot. I want my kids to know I cheered the loudest and that they could hear me at all their games. I want them to remember trips to the zoo, the beach, the waterpark, or the lake. Or the evenings playing games and the family dinners. I want my kids to know they are seen and heard for who they are.

So, no I'm not the mom that will have the perfect looking cake or cookies at the bake sale. I certainly can't sew my daughter's prom dress, but I will be there to take all the embarrassing pictures and know all of their friends' names. Because that is really want matters most to me.